If You Have To Do “Black Friday,” We’ve Got A Better Way

A “Buy This, Not That” article.

 

Some words and phrases lose their meaning over time. Sometimes that’s through actual physical repetition—try saying the word “surreptitiously” 20 times and see if it still sounds like English at the end. Other times it is because the word themselves become less precise, or stop meaning what they used to mean. Words like “metrosexual” or “mansplain” lost their meaning over time because they were being used to describe things that didn’t fit, or because people misused them, or just because people are weird. I feel like “Black Friday” has joined that category.

Black Friday used to mean three things:

  1. Getting up at 4 AM the day after Thanksgiving to shop for cheap things that you really want.
  2. A singular day of sales.
  3. Newscasters showing footage of seething masses of frantic humans losing their goddamn minds in a Target.

And now it means… not those things. Well, it still means the last thing. I don’t know what newscasters would do without footage of Black Friday “riots.” They might have to actually report the news. Heaven forbid.

But the meaning of Black Friday has started to change dramatically.

The onset of e-commerce meant that we spread into Cyber Monday. Then the fear of big businesses encouraged Small Business Saturday. And then nonprofits were like “we want in on this action” and started Giving Tuesday. Then the day itself started to stretch. First it was starting at midnight on Thanksgiving. Then…. six PM on Thanksgiving? Then pretty much all of Thanksgiving. And now the sales are just basically all of November. Just this evening, I got an ad for a “pre-Black Friday” sale at Office Depot. Office Depot.

And the “cheap things that you really want” thing changed as well. Black Friday sales are often “sales” in the way that garage sales are “sales”: they are opportunities to get rid of shit that the owners don’t want and hope you are stupid enough to take. It’s a way to empty out stock before the heart of Christmas shopping.  And the “cheap” thing is a lie these days, too. Oftentimes the “sale” is the same price that the object already is, but with a new label on it. Last time I partook in Black Friday, I was very pleased to get a copy of Apples to Apples for $15. The next week I saw it in the store for… $10. The hell.

So all of that adds up to one thing: Black Friday is bullshit. It is extra bullshit now, because of that aforementioned time creep. Because capitalism is always gonna capitalism, low-wage workers are being forced to leave their Thanksgiving celebrations early, or miss their Thanksgiving celebrations entirely, so that people who don’t realize that the internet exists can get $5 off of a flat-screen TV. It is bullshit.

So don’t do it. Don’t go out on Black Friday. Don’t give more money to Bezos or the Waltons. Instead, if you want to spend money, buy things from smaller artisans and creators. Like the ones I’m about to show you!

Each of these artists has either made something that is hanging up in my house at this very moment, or was recommended to me by a friend. So they all are beloved by people with excellent taste. Also, all images are the copyrighted property of their creators — I’m just borrowing them temporarily to show you all how cool they are.

And heads up: their sites or shops are hyperlinked in their names.

 

Meghan Rowswell

I’m not 100% sure that there is an art style that Meghan Rowswell doesn’t do. She makes gorgeous ikebana arrangements, crazy cool egg decoration things, textile sculptures, and collages. She honestly does more than that, but if I keep listing her accomplishments, I’m going to start feeling lame about my lack thereof. So instead I’ll just show you one of my favorite pieces, a collage she did. Her site doesn’t have anything currently on sale, but I have it on good authority that if you e-mail her you can totally work out a commission. (This “good authority” comes from having, you know, done that.)

 

The Latest Kate

The Latest Kate is an artist who makes really adorable posters of animals with encouraging sayings on them. LOOK AT THIS MAJESTIC SPACE DEER. The space deer is reminding you that you’re a badass. Thank you, space deer. I am, in fact, a badass.

 

 

CarnivalSix

I need to have about sixteen more children in my life than I do, because I need to buy all of them these adorable fairytale prints from CarnivalSix. They’re all really cute interpretations of classic stories, with key quotes from the story featured as part of the story. The genius behind CarnivalSix, Laurel Shelley-Reuss, is also the co-creator of a fantastic RPG-based comic called The Handbook of Heroes. It also has a Patreon. (Hint, hint.)

 

Emily McDowell

Emily McDowell creates a variety of products, including cards, mugs, and stationary. My favorites are her cards, which are quite outside your average Hallmark, in that they admit that sympathy cards are a fruitless attempt to make people feel better when they can’t be made to feel better. Or give genuine congratulations for a new baby.

 

 

Tea and Absinthe

Tea and Absinthe makes tea, teaware, and other drinkware. It’s all pretty fantastic, but my favorite is this dapper octopus mixer. He has a hat.

 

Kevin Eslinger

Kevin Eslinger makes original art as well as fanart. Because I’m a geek, I’m especially fond of the fanart, especially his splatter-style of fanart. Like this amazing splatter Venom, which seems to really capture all of the messy “WTF-ness” of Venom.

 

Karen Hallion

Hi, my name is Elle, and I’m an addict. It’s been… well like one month since I bought a Karen Hallion piece. I have a problem. Karen Hallion is at the perfect intersection for me of fanart, feminism, art nouveau, and general fun. I have So Many Karen Hallion prints. Like, All. All the Prints. It’s a problem. I’m running out of wall. But one that I definitely have is this one, because it is AMAZING. It is art noveau Spider-Gwen. ART NOVEAU SPIDER-GWEN.

 

Flying Frog Illustration

Flying Frog Illustration does really gorgeous watercolors, both originals and fanart. I have a few of their pieces, but my absolute favorite has to be this piece of the Endless from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman. I’m already a sucker for these characters, especially all together like this, but what I’m blown away by is the color and complexity. Most fanart I’ve seen of the Endless tends towards the minimalist, and this is anything but. This is the Endless as seen by Delirium, and I love it.

 

Megan Lara

So the art nouveau thing… it’s happening again. Megan Lara has great original art and fanart, but the pieces that I collect the most are her art nouveau depictions of badass female characters. It is really hard to choose a favorite—Peggy Carter, Princess Leia, and Wonder Woman all hang in their art nouveau glory on my wall. But the centerpiece of my collection has to be this amazing depiction of Shuri. The colors and the details are just so epic, and Shuri herself is so fantastic.

 

C Wilson Art

C Wilson Art specializes in fanart combined with classic styles, like amazing military portraits of Star Wars characters. My absolute favorite, however, has to be this “Creation of Adam” parody starring Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I love it so, so much. So much.

 

 

Leanne Huynh

Leanne Huynh does a lot of amazing original art as well as fanart, and it’s really hard to pick a favorite. But I will probably have to go with this piece of a baby Eeyore, because it is basically the only thing in the world that can make my ovaries clench like I want a child. I don’t actually want a child, I just want to give a child this adorable picture of baby Eeyore. It is that cute.

 

 

MJ Erickson

MJ Erickson does fanart, original art, and also makes pins. Most of the pieces that I actually own aren’t currently up on her site, but I dug through the interwebs to find my favorite, this print of Valkyrie raining down holy hell. Look at this piece. Look closelier. Look more closelier. It’s freaking amazing. And even cooler, Valkyrie herself, Tessa Thompson, saw the pic and gave it her seal of approval.

 

Atomic Pixies

I mentioned that I like art nouveau, right? Well guess what, here is more! Atomic Pixies does really cute art nouveau pop culture pieces. They have an entire series of RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants in art nouveau style and with one of their famous catchphrases. I wanna collect them all, like Pokémon cards.

 

Chrissie Zullo

Chrissie Zullo also does both original art and fanart (sensing another trend?) She has lots of way cool pieces, but the one that I have hanging up in my kitchen is the best, in my opinion—a coffin-shaped pic of a vampire bobby soxer at a death-themed soda fountain. Like, how do you even come up with that? And look at how adorable she is, drinking that refreshing bottle of blood! She has the bat equivalent of a poodle skirt! What’s not to love?

 

Twilight Garden Shop

Twilight Garden Shop makes artisan bath products that look very scrumptious. Literally. Like I would totally be tempted to eat this soap. It’s like what happens when a geode and taffy have a baby.

 

Sweet Pickles’ Designs

Sweet Pickles’ Designs makes pet accessories that are just too adorable. Like this adorable spooky pet bow tie.

 

That’s just a sampling of my very favorites. I encourage you all to show them love (and by love, I mean both praise them and give them money). But there are also literally thousands and millions more artists out there who could use your support and admiration. And you can give it to them without even fully waking from your turkey coma, without making some poor person making $8.00 an hour venture into the cold to get screamed at by someone who has officially spent way too much time with their family and has to take it out on someone, and without making any mega billionaires any more ridiculously wealthy. So win-win, right?

Signed: Feminist Fury

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Featured image shows a storefront from the inside with two naked mannequins looking out. The glass has “50% off” posters stuck to it. It was taken by Kecko and is released under a CC-BY-2.0 license.

Midterm Recap: It Was A Good Night

Because we have to celebrate every victory.

 

So there will definitely be time in the upcoming weeks to dissect the parts of the last election that didn’t go the way that we wanted them to. There will be a lot of time to address and be angry about voter suppression, and races where Republicans ran unopposed, and the fact that Steve King is still a powerful Iowa Nazi. But for just a brief moment, I want to acknowledge the good things that happened.

1. We took the House. We took the goddamn House. Maxine Waters is now going to be a committee chairwoman.

2. A record number of women are going to Congress.

3. Of that record-setting number, we got a lot of firsts and bests. Sharice Davids and Deb Haaland will be the first Native American Women in Congress (Davids is a member of the Ho-Chunk nation and Haaland is Laguna Pueblo). Davids is also openly gay and has some guns that put Van Damme to shame. More like Van Daaaamn. (I only partially regret that.) Ayanna Pressley, from my temporary home in Boston, will be the first Black woman to represent Massachusetts, while Rachael Rollins will be the first Black DA for Suffolk County (aka the county that Boston is in). Jahana Hayes will be the first Black woman to represent Connecticut. Rashida Tlaib and Ihan Omar will be the first Muslim women in Congress. Cindy Axne and Abby Finkenauer will be the first women to represent Iowa in the House, and Finkenauer will share the honor of youngest women ever elected to Congress with the Latinx badass Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Ocasio-Cortez will continue to rep millennials everywhere by sharing the name of the awesome red lipstick she wears (“Beso” by Stila, which is also the color I wear, which makes me feel cool by proxy) and by not really having the money to live in DC despite having just won a Congressional race. Janet Mills will be the first female governor of Maine. (My own state’s Mary Throne unfortunately lost her attempt to be Wyoming’s second ever female governor.)

4. Jared Polis because the first openly gay governor.

5. There are now a record number of Black Lieutenant Governors. (I admittedly don’t totally know what Lieutenant Governors do. Wyoming doesn’t have those.)

6. Massachusetts protected rights for trans citizens.

7. Multiple states took action against gerrymandering.

8. Colorado fully outlawed slavery. Yes it’s 2018, yes it only passed with 65% of the vote, but maybe you didn’t know that slavery is still legal in many parts of America as a punishment and prison labour is a billion-dollar industry.

9. Florida restored voter rights to roughly 1.4 million former felons. This is insanely huge, metaphorically and literally—that is almost three times the population of Wyoming. That includes nearly 400,000 Black citizens (again, almost the population of Wyoming).

10. Voter turnout for the midterms was at 49%, which hasn’t happened since the 1960s.

Like I said, later I’ll let myself be depressed by the bad stuff, and start stoking my anger for the things I need to be angry about. But for tonight, for maybe a whole week, I’m going to let myself be happy about what we accomplished.

Signed: Feminist Fury

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Featured image is of an “I Voted Today” sticker. It’s by Steve Rainwater and is released under a CC-BY-SA 2.0 License.

How To Watch The Midterms: A Guide

Tips for a cozy night in watching the results.

 

Tomorrow’s a pretty big deal here in the US. If you’ve already voted, YOU’RE AWESOME THANK YOU. If not, the first thing you have to do tomorrow is get out there and vote. After that, it’s time for damage control. Here’s our guide to watching the results tomorrow.

Step 1: Check how much whiskey you have. Do you have whiskey? What about gin? You might need some gin. Did you know pot is legal in Massachusetts now? Awesome. Things to know. Get some cocktail sausages for snacking later, maybe some candles. Candlelight is pretty relaxing, right? You got this.

Step 2: Check what time it is. Is it 6pm Eastern? That’s when polls start to close. They don’t close in Alaska until 1am Eastern, so don’t think you’re going to know how this all goes by the end of the day. You won’t. Manage your expectations. Be cool.

Step 3: Let me guess: it’s only 2 in the afternoon. Have you considered buying a pizza? Go buy a pizza. Treat yourself. Have some friends over. They’re probably feeling the same way you are. A little on edge, a little anxious. Get together. Togetherness is a good thing.

Step 4: Do you like board games? I love board games. If you don’t have any board games, you’ve still got time. Go buy a board game. What you’re looking for is something that takes at least an hour or two and that’s complicated enough that you’ll want to play it a couple of times to really get it right. I like Scythe and Brass. Elle suggests Dominion, Dixit, and Race For the Galaxy if you’re looking for escapism. Pandemic or Dead of Winter if you just want to feel aware that you’re rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. That’ll kill some time. Yeah.

Step 5: Don’t check the exit polls. Don’t turn on the TV. Don’t do it. Don’t. I see you thinking about it. Leave your computer closed. Unplug the router. Accidentally drop yours and all your friends phones into a box than can only be opened once every 24 hours. Failing that, remember the whiskey? You can do this.

Step 6: Check the time again. Oh god it’s only 5? The first polls don’t even close for an hour. Are you trapped in a fold in spacetime? Is it Groundhog Day? Have you done this before? How much whiskey is left? Unplug all the clocks in the apartment.

Step 7: Enlist your friends in the fun activity of lining a room with tin foil. You knew there was a reason you bought sixty-seven rolls of it when you went out shopping last week, didn’t you? Be Prepared. That’s the Boy Scout Way. You can get through this. In addition to killing a little more time, it’ll keep the y-rays out of your room and make it way easier to keep free of New World Order mind control techniques. Remember to stretch.

Step 8: Check your friends’ watches. Realize that it’s 2018 and nobody even wears watches anymore except Steve, who’s got one of those fitness trackers that happens to also tell the time. According to Steve, it’s only 6pm. How did that tinfoil thing only take an hour? Whisper to your friends about how suspicious this makes you all about Steve. Without looking at your phones you have only one timepiece. Consider taking it from Steve.

Step 9: It’s dark. Thanks to daylight savings time ending the sun has been down for over an hour or more now. The last light of the day star has faded from the horizon. The descent into madness had felt more upsetting in the cold light of day, but here in the night it feels comfortable. Right. Consider heating up those cocktail sausages.

Step 9: Arrange the candles in a circle the way the elders taught you. Sal knows the ritual, too, so she’s the most useful by far. She’ll have a place of honour in the coming times. Is there any whiskey left? Are we on to the gin? Well, gin’s fine, too. And anyway, the question isn’t so much what you’ll be drinking, is it? It’s what They’ll be drinking. When They arrive.

Step 10: Prepare the sacrifice. It doesn’t really matter who it is. Maybe it’s Steve. Maybe none of you have names anymore, or you won’t soon anyway. No one will have names in the time after the Coming. All will be Well.

Step 11: Everything is set. The candles are lit. The bottles are empty and the words that have been whispered into the void have begun to whisper back. Steve’s watch reads midnight. It is time. Lift the long knife and watch it shine in the candlelight. Stare into the eyes of your friends one last time.

Step 12: Check the results.

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Image is of a cozy little TV, table, lamp, and chair, and is by Marco Verch and released under a CC-BY-2.0 license.

PSA: VOTE

Please, please vote. Please. Do it.

 

VOTE.

 

BUT SERIOUSLY. VOTE. IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO IS BETWEEN THE AGES OF 18 AND 29, CONVINCE THEM TO VOTE, TOO.

 

VOTE, GODDAMNIT.

 

Signed: Everyone at Into the Void.

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The featured image is a photograph of the word “VOTE” in chalk on the ground with a pair of feet in red, white, and blue shoes making the letter V. It was taken by Theresa Thompson and is released under a CC-BY-2.0 license.