The Worst, Most Infuriating Timeline


TW for some quoted transphobic stuff, and men generally being awful.

I know that we’re living in the Worst Timeline, and that means that I should probably never be surprised by anything that happens. Trump unilaterally declares war by ordering the assassination of an Iranian official and then posts a shittily compressed jpeg of an American flag? Sure. Sure, that seems about right. Journalists are mocking the appearance of a seven-year-old on a public forum? That tracks. Gender reveal parties keep resulting in deaths, wildfires, and property-destruction? Yeah, of course.

But because we are, in fact, living in the Worst and Most Infuriating Timeline, sometimes things are so bad that I’m still shocked by how wrong and maddeningly ignorant they can be. Enter, the “22 Conference,” aka, the Make Women Great Again Conference. And an offshoot of the “21 Conference,” which is apparently a conference that teaches men how to be “alpha non-cucks,” or something.

I’m not going to link to it, because just because my cookies are now fucked up doesn’t mean yours should be. But here are the things you need to know about the 22 Conference:

What is it? It is the “mansplaining event of the century.”

It is “a miraculous three day (and night) event with iconic speakers gathered from the worldwide manosphere community to dramatically improve your life and femininity.”  

This is the conference that will tell you that, “No longer will you have to give in to toxic bullying feminist dogma and go against your ancient, biological nature as a woman.” They also promise “you will learn the truth that unhealthy militant feminists have been hiding from you your entire life.” (HOW DID THEY FIND OUT ABOUT OUR SECRETS?)

Also important, it will teach you to “raise your femininity 500%” and how to “get pregnant and have unlimited babies!” Also also, it tells you how not to be a fattie. Twice.

Who is it for? “natural born biological women only.” I am seriously going to vomit.

Where is it? Orlando Florida, at an undisclosed location. (I’m not kidding, they won’t tell you where it is until after you buy a ticket, probably so that people don’t threaten to boycott the hotel.) Though they do, swear to God, tell you that it will be a “safe space.” Mainly so that people don’t actually find out you attended this shitty thing. The following is taken directly from the site:

Q: IS THE EVENT A SAFE SPACE?

A: The 21 Convention is the greatest and safest space in the world for men, and we take security considerations very seriously. This is no different for The 22 Convention. We will be coordinating with law enforcement and licensed security personnel for safety during the event, and taking precautions to keep your privacy, identity, and attendance confidential to the best of our ability.

When is it? May 1st through May 3rd, partially overlapping with the related 21 conference that is Just for the Menz. (Though the 21 Conference goes from April 30th to May 3rd, because women are only worth half the time that men are.)

Who are these “manosphere” people that are going to tell me how to be a better woman?

Oh, only the best of the worst. There is the 21 Conference founder, Anthony “Dream” Johnson. There is the self-described “President of the Manosphere” and author of that infamous “How to be a beautiful woman” tweet, Alexander J.A. Cortez. There is Mike Cernovich, most famous for being the guy who found the tweets that got James Gunn (temporarily) fired (but also famous for his rape apologia). And of course, there is noted white nationalist, semi-famous movie non-understander, and recent tweeter regarding Emma Watson’s decreasing? fertility (seriously, the FUCK is wrong with this man) Stefan Molyneaux.

How much does it cost? $1,999.

Dead serious. $1,999. But you can save 50% on “early bird” tickets, so that it is “only” $999. And for a limited time, you can bring a friend for free. Because everyone knows that the best way to experience patriarchal brainwashing is with a friend.

Why is this happening? Because we live in the Worst, Most Goddamn Infuriating Fucking Timeline, and God has forsaken us.

When I try to even imagine a woman attending this event, my brain skips and spits out a 404 error. Even knowing that there are a ton of women in the Sunken Place who voted for Trump, even knowing that women like Lauren Southern and Candace Owens and Faith Goldy exist, I cannot actually fathom any woman going to this conference. Mainly because everything they say they are going to tell women, women have shouted at them by strangers every day. For free! I promise you that if I go into certain Reddit pages or Facebook comment threads and then also walk down a busy street while not smiling, I will get “taught” all of these things (again: for free!), and someone will call me a bitch at no extra cost. Even your average Sunken Place white woman has better things to do with $2k than spend it on getting told how to be a woman by Stefan-fucking-Molyneaux. They could buy like, four handguns, or two really nice purses, or the down payment on a Chrysler Pacifica, or those diamond-plated cursive necklaces that say “Karen.”

Part of me actually admires the gumption of these assholes trying to get women to pay to oppress themselves, but also it just makes me want to scream, you know, forever.

So… Welcome to 2020 y’all. This is obviously going to end well for us.

Signed: Feminist Fury (now with extra fury!)

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Featured image depicts the character Data (from Star Trek: The Next Generation) speaking with Picard and Riker over a destroyed version of Data’s own head. The caption reads “Data, are you trying to tell me-?” “Yes sir, this one is from the year 2020.”

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